Jan 15, 2010 @ 9:43 PM
Tadaaaaaima
Hi
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/27350111.html
Seems I've come home at a time where lots of people have planned stuff and there's apparently a week so full of it that its been dubbed ze party week. It's great everyone's getting out even more than before, id kind of thought itd be the opposite -- the outings growing less as the months after graduation passed. But it isn't, so yay. Unfortunately I'm sick at the moment and have sneezed over two dozen times today, laying in bed awake till 3 at night and waking up at 10 evry morning the last two days for reasons beyond me. I don't like it. My throat feels like sandpaper and my saliva feels/tastes funny =( If anyone says swine flu ill strangle them.
Umm, i'm supposed to be useful and find a job according to my parents. Who wants in? Im starting to think its pointless since would most likely resign/be fired when university starts. But whatever...
Growing up is scary. Parents start talking about things in front of you that you'd much rather live happily without knowing about. At least, a talk about contraception and how its inserted/used is NOT appealing to me at all. I was washing dishes when the topic struck up between my grandma and mum. Okay. I can take you talking about names, types in chinese, whatever. It's when they started talking about how it was used and which ones better that i paled and turned around in horror. They didn't notice and continued. I started screaming at the dishes that I had absolutely NOOOOO interest. They dragged me and their crystal balls of my future into it and i stomped my feet and played the 'if i dont look at them, then they arent talking to me' game. They didn't stop, and now I don't like how my future looks. God forbid, im turning to celibacy.
I also tried keeping a diary for the purpose of clearing my thoughts, with the result that first entry later i was gagging and thinking, 'did i really write this crap?' I'm never writing a deep, personal dissection of my thoughts ever again. It's just too...weird. Why the hell do people do that to themelves? o_o Write out their thoughts for someone to come across and find? In preparation for the day they jump off a building and want people to feel guilty when they read about their their horrible life?
It is always strange to me why people that suicide seem to leave behind so much for people to find out about them. Oh, this is based off tv/docos/stories, but they must have some semblance of truth right? If you really don't care about the world enough to be a part of it, then you shouldn't leave things behind in the hopes you'll be better remembered in it once you're gone. It just doesn't equate! In my eyes, suicide for most people nowadays is the final, desperate attempt to get acknowledged, or else want absolutely no part in this society anymore. A taxi driver told us that it was either for love or money, nothing else. I think it can be more spiteful than that. Deaths from this cause are percentage wise, high in youth, no? I don't think that many young people have money problems, and love is so overrated (One word: Twilight *gag*). Sorry, reading too much mind-torturing stuff.
People can have it hard, and the world is a cruel place sometimes. A lot of the time things come down to luck, but just remember: even the gambler that goes into a casino has to have gotten his starting money somehow. If its your parents, then so much the better for you, i hope you dont swindle it before your middle years. Off the money and into reality where paper with numbers on it is superficial. (Ok, i lie. With money you won't be able to do everything but without it, you can't do anything. BUT, screw that, if i were to look at society through those lenses then i might have to palm my head and throw myself off a building. ) My examples were suppose to be about luck. People blame that they were dealt the wrong circumstances and thats why they've turned the wrong way. Depending on luck is dangerous. You don't do it to earn a living (hopefully), so why do it to decide your life?
Crap thats a pretty long rant about depressing things...ahaha...
Be worried when i start writing in story mode. Be very worried. I'll dramatise everything a hundred-fold/try to be pathetically humourous >.> I think atm its just rant mode. Phew.
On to the review! I hate how my blog posts things backwards. *Frown*. Posting will be a slow process, probably ovr a few days cause i always have so much useless stuff coming into my head and consequently, onto the keyboard.